September is here officially. And I don’t know why, when it comes to months that end with -ber (like septemBER, octoBER, etc), I always become a bit more enthusiastic and get this warm feeling . It’s like to hold a cup of tea in the middle of a freezing day. So I’d like to start it with a post that share one of my favorite valuable lesson I’ve got so far in my 25 years. This is not only my story that I would pass here, but also my brother’s. I’ve got his permission already – to share some of his story. So, we’re good to go.
Men can’t name their selves at the very beginning of their lifes. But some are lucky to have a beautiful name which they like. Well, thank God I have name that I like. Karina. Actually, there was a secret hope behind my name. My parents gave me that name to wish me to become the last daughter. I have an older sister, so it makes me to be their second baby girl. Well, Kari in Javanese language means the last one going. Na are the suffix for Kari to made it become a baby girl name – Kari-na. In another way, they wish they will have a baby boy after me.
My father really like to smoke before, until my mother can’t stand it anymore to see him wasting money for something that he would only burn. She told him to quit. He said he would, if he had a son. He said that when I was on my mother’s womb. So when I was born, there I was named Karina – to wish that I could be the last baby girl.
Words have power, said the wise men. So are the names. It could be my name perhaps so I did have a brother. Or it couldn’t. Only God knows. But since then, never my mom saw my dad smoking again. Never.
When my mother told that story of ‘how my dad could stop smoking’ to me, I couldn’t tell how much I proud that my father was a man who can hold his words. However, sometimes it made me wonder. Why it wasn’t me who could make him to stop smoking? Why it had to be a son to make him stop?
I usually avoid to try answering that question. Because I knew I would probably answer it in ways that hurt myself. So, I decided to just let it be like it is.
My brother, he was so lovely when he was a kid. His smile was adorable, and if there was an award for the cutest kid that time, I would dare to say that my brother would be nominated. Maybe even to win that award. Because he was super duper very berry adorable. But when he grew up, I knew he experienced bad things in his school. I have no rights to mention the detail about what happen to him. But simply said, it was about being bullied.
At that time, no one realized that my brother was having hard time at school. I just had a nephew who were still baby, and my cousin often come to my house with his wife and his baby. So all the attention were given to my little nephew. But my brother, he never really liked to be around my cousin, his wife, and especially his baby. He even looked like that he hated the baby. All were just thinking that it was jealousy where as the youngest child, he used to be the center of attention.
I began to realize that something was going wrong with him maybe about 2 years after he started experiencing those bad things. He acted more and more negatively each day and no more lovely gestures from him. Two years. Maybe that was too late to help him psychologically. All my family started to worry about him. But my brother was just shutting down himself. He never seemed to trust people anymore.
All my family tried to talk to him and help him. Including me, I put all my nerves every time I wanted to talk to him. Back then, my brother was easily got angry to anything and anyone. When he was angry, he would pissed every one off. So, it was very hard to talk to him. Often I got pissed too then refused to talk with him again. But I could never forgot how he once was a lovely kid. So then I tried to put all my nerves back and just get back to him.
My brother never really wanted to talk about what happen to him. I remembered there were times when I was just sitting down in his room doing nothing but only to make accompany to my brother. I forgot for how long I had to try to make him to be open with me. But one day, he finally willing to talk about that hurtful topic. About all the bad experiences he went through. And I was so sorry that my family couldn’t be there earlier for him. But I releived, that finally I could gain him back to trust someone.
By passing this story, I didn’t mean to mock my brother for being the victim of bully. Rather, he is a victor in my eyes. He’s been through hard moment, but he survived it and now achieved so much. Now, he is taking his master degree program in a public university and his professor were thinking that he had what it takes, that he was chosen to speak in the stage of international conference on nano electric research and education in Bali on 8th July 2012 ago. In that conference, he met a professor from Japan, and there’s a chance for him to continue his education there.
I didn’t mean to boast too and took all the credit for being the one that made my brother open his mouth so my family could start to help him. That is God’s mercy I think, so I could help my brother to be open to me. Maybe I wasn’t there when he had the bad times, but at least I could still be there for him after those hurtful moments. And my point is, yeah, maybe I couldn’t be the one that help my father to quit smoking. But I could be the one that help my brother.
I often wonder many things. I’ve told you before that I wondered why it wasn’t me who able to make my father stop smoking. Not just that, I also wonder why the greatest men had the best spotlight for them? Why him? Why her? Do you know Mother Mary? My biggest question maybe something sinful. I adore Mother Mary so much, but sometimes I wonder why God chose her to become the mother of The Savior. Is it all about being ‘The Chosen One’? Chosen to do that, chosen to do this, etc.
In some point, I realized that it’s true. Yes, it is all about being ‘The Chosen One’. But, maybe the truth is: We Are All The Chosen One.
I figured out that my brother was the chosen one as His tool to bring goodness to my father, to save him from the danger of smoking. My father wanted a son for him to quit smoking. And God finally gave him my brother so he really stop that bad habit.
But, now I assume that God gave me to my parents so that I could help my brother later. I was the chosen one as His tool to bring goodness to my brother, to stay with him and help him. And the process are still going on, until now.
I believe that on this earth, there are people that only me or you who can reach them out. Either they were a friend, family, or even a mere stranger. For only me or you who can stay and bring goodness to them, God has created us ‘The Chosen One’.
I realized, not all people on earth could get the spotlight in a sparkling platform or media like famous people in this world would do. But, we have been reserved a spotlight in someone’s heart for sure.
More over, I thought God never compare how big or how grand is the assignment as ‘The Chosen One’ for each one of us. Although I couldn’t always be peaceful any time, but somehow some way – I could find peace in a fact that I also the chosen one, at least for my brother. Maybe I would be happy too if I was the chosen one for another people, or for so many people. Well, if so, I realized that God would simply created me in another way. For how God has created us, that also made us ‘The Chosen One’.
Then, maybe the biggest question is, to whom are that we become the chosen one for them? I hope that to all of you who read till this end have the answer already. If it’s not yet, may grace in this September reveal them to us. May God bless this September. (: